Arguments used to discredit survivors

There are a number of standard arguments used by predators and their lawyers to discredit those who accuse them sexual abuse. This is my response to them.

He (the accuser) is troubled/emotionally unstable. You cannot take him seriously.

There are two responses to this, both of which are often true for any specific survivor.

First, it is well known that predators often target troubled children. The quite boys, the outsiders and the misfits are simply more susceptible to grooming and easier to isolate from their peers. The lonely child is much more likely to respond to perceived kindness and acceptance from the predator. How many survivors have echoed the statement that "he made me feel special"?

Please listen when a child asks for help!

If there is one thing that upsets me, both as a father as an abuse survivor, it is the ease with which too many people discount abuse.

People cite several reasons for not believing accusations of abuse, and I would like to address some of them:

"He has always been a difficult child. This is just another way to make his parents life hard".

Abused children are often difficult children. Abused children don't know how to relate to people in a healthy way. They have issues with authority. They lack self-respect, and therefore aren't able to respect others. They know the language of violence better than any other. They tend to act out in a misguided attempt to get attention, to be seen and heard, or because they aren't able to act in any other way.

Is he accusing his parents because he is a difficult child, or is he a difficult child because his accusations are true?

The "Vampire Syndrome" myth, part 2

After writing my post on the "Vampire Syndrome" myth, another paper and even more powerful proof of its untruth have come my way.

This paper highlights several more problems with existing studies that claim to "prove" the existence of the so-called abuse-cycle.

From a 1979 study by A. Nicholas Groth:

He studied 348 convicted sexual offenders, with a control group of 62 male police officers, and claimed to have established that convicted sexual offenders have a significantly higher chance of having been sexually traumatised as children. However:

What parents should know about sexual abuse

*** May Trigger ***

Who abuses children?

Most people have the mental picture of the creepy guy, hanging out at the children's playground wearing a black trench coat, waiting to kidnap little girls. However, this cannot be further from the truth. Abuse perpetrated by strangers make up only a tiny minority of cases.

Some statistics:

1. 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys will be sexually abused before their 18th birthday.
2. More than 90% of abusers are know to, and trusted by their victims.
3. About 30% of abusers are family members
4. Not all child sexual abuse is perpetrated by paedophiles. 
5. Gay men are no more likely to abuse children than straight men.

Female predators

Numbers for female predators vary wildly. Incidence studies, and studies done on conviction rates, show that less that 10% of convicted sex-offenders are female. However, prevalence studies, where people are asked if they had been abused, reveal much higher numbers, with some placing the number above 40%.

The "vampire syndrome" myth

I want to spend some time exposing the truth behind the so-called "vampire myth" - the myth that male sexual abuse survivors more often than not end up becoming sexual predators. This terrible myth is among the most powerful factors that contribute to silencing abused boys.

MYTH: Most sexual predators were victims of child abuse themselves

The scientific argument:

This is based on many studies that were done on convicted sex-offenders. The flaw in these studies are that they rely on self-reporting. And no only self-reporting, but self-reporting by people who are in desperate need of something that could justify their own actions, and who are well aware of this myth. The number of inmates who reported being victimised as children are significantly lower in studies where polygraph tests were used.

The logical argument:

Different sources have different figures, but one thing that is constant is the fact that paedophiles/sex-offenders tend to molest many children over their lifetime. Some sources put the number as high as 260. Now, if every paedophile molests many children, and the vast majority of these grew up to be paedophiles, why does the one in six statistic for boys who are abused, not increase? If this myth was true, the vast majority of men would be paedophiles by now.

Male sexual abuse myths and facts

Please read the full article on www.malesurvivor.org.

Myth #1 - Boys and men can't be victims.

Fact: Boys are children - weaker and more vulnerable than their perpetrators - who cannot really fight back.

Myth #2 - Most sexual abuse of boys is perpetrated by homosexual males.

Fact: Pedophiles who molest boys are not expressing a homosexual orientation any more than pedophiles who molest girls are practicing heterosexual behaviors.

Myth #3 - If a boy experiences sexual arousal or orgasm from abuse, this means he was a willing participant or enjoyed it.

Fact: In reality, males can respond physically to stimulation (get an erection) even in traumatic or painful sexual situations.

Myth #4 - Boys are less traumatized by the abuse experience than girls.

Fact: Males may be more damaged by society's refusal or reluctance to accept their victimization, and by their resultant belief that they must "tough it out" in silence.