Gun control, mental health and trauma

Ever since Sandy Hook, there has been a lot of discussion on the web about gun-control and whether or not it could have saved those children.

My personal belief was that regardless of what caused his mental illness, Adam Lanza was a dangerously unstable young man. His mother should not have been allowed to keep multiple fire-arms within his reach. Would lack of easy access to firearms have stopped him? Not necessarily, but it might have slowed him down and forced him to think twice.

I am told that to check mental health records and interview friends and neighbours of people who share the home of the applicant, or even the applicant himself, is to convict someone before a crime has been committed. In America one is innocent until proven guilty, and one should not be treated as a potential criminal until a crime has been committed. One should not be required to give up one's constitutional rights until there has been a conviction.

It is a noble argument, but I'd like to call bullshit.

Abuse does not have to be physical

There is a very common misconception that abuse is when a parent beats or starves a child, or when a child is sexually assaulted. Emotional, verbal and psychological abuse is very much a hidden epidemic. Recently I discovered, to my dismay, that in some places even the laws reflect this misconception.

As an abused child, I lived through many traumatic experiences. One of the most traumatic experiences was something that could easily have passed without notice. There was no aggression, neither a hand nor a voice was raised. There was no sexual suggestion, not even the most subtle hint. It was just a simple sentence, spoken in an unemotional, level voice.

Now I see why not even your own parents could love you. You're just too fucking useless.

A letter to those who love abuse survivors

This is an adaptation of a letter I wrote to my girlfriend. Unprepared for the side of me to surfaces when I am triggered, she did and said all the wrong things in her attempt to help. In my hyper-emotional state, I rewarded her efforts with what can only be described as verbal abuse. When I had finished the letter and re-read it, I realised that there much be many other partners of abuse survivors out there who have to deal with confusing emotional outbursts from their significant others. So I post it here, in the hope it will help someone else understand.

Darling,

First I want to start with an apology  I know that at times it is difficult to live with me. I know that sometimes I react in ways that are confusing. I promise you that I try to act like a rational adult, but sometimes I can't. I want you to know that it is not your fault. I accept full responsibility for my irrational and hurtful actions. It is my problem, and I am the only person who can change it. I am working hard at this, but it is still a work in progress and probably always will be.

However, I don't accept the blame. All the blame goes to the men who abused me and in doing so, rendered me emotionally handicapped.